The Midday "Munch" Box: Guy Shoots His Own Sperm At Shoppers In Supermarket

AzCentral - Authorities in Maryland say a man accused of squirting semen from a bottle onto two female shoppers has been linked to three more cases. Twenty-eight-year-old Michael Wayne Edwards Jr. was arrested and charged with spraying the fluid on a shopper at a Giant Food store in Gaithersburg on July 15. Edwards was also charged in a similar incident at a Michaels craft store in Gaithersburg.


You know what? Before all you rascals jump on this guy for going nuts and spraying his semen out of a water bottle all over some female shoppers at a store, lets look at the cold hard facts of the matter. 


What is the overall goal of men on this Earth? Well, call me Charles Darwin but aren't us guys supposed to spread our seed like tomorrow is judgement day? Evolutionarily speaking, the man who spreads his seed to the most women, is technically the most fit to have his genes passed on to future generations. It's science people. Never really thought of it like that though. Like, getting girls preggers is our number one job on this planet. Pretty awesome huh?

So with all that being said, I respect this dude Michael Wayne Edwards Jr. The guy is just trying to pass on his seed bro. Perhaps he's got it all wrong though. I mean, when I refer to spreading seed, I mean actually cumming inside a girl. Not literally going to Walbaums and blasting it from your Poland Spring water bottle like a super soaker. Listen, this science stuff isn't for everyone, and I guess he misunderstood how to properly spread his semen. However, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Mr. Edwards Jr. is a god damn pioneer in seed spreading. Hot chick in the supermarket? She better be prepared for an unexpected midday jizz bath. For real though, this guy needs to be locked up. I'm not trying to be waiting on the deli line for my macaroni salad, wondering if the dude behind the counter is thinking like Michael Wayne Edwards. No special dressing for me bro. People like that just scare me.


-Dbl-A