Saturday Morning Wood: Kim Jong-Il is a DIE HARD

TMZ - North Korea's tiny dictator Kim Jong-Il is reportedly soo pissed at his country's terrible World Cupperformance -- that he tore into the players and sentenced the coach to hard labor. According to several reports, Jong-Il was fuming at the team's 0-3 showing during the tournament -- which included a 7-0 loss to Portugal -- so he and 400 government officials called the squad into a meeting, where they were verbally bashed for 6 hours. Jong-Il was reportedly so mad at the coach -- Kim Jong-Hun -- that he ordered the dude to perform hard labor AND stripped him of his membership to Jong-Il's political party ... probably a blessing in disguise. On the bright side -- past North Korean athletes and coaches who've failed to produce have been reportedly shipped off to prison camps ... so there's that.


Kim Jong-Il is an obvious sports fan. Sure his nuclear protocol may be troubling but can you blame this guy for dropping the hammer down on his underperforming squad? I can't. He's a die hard who bleeds communist red. Rocking the body paint. Starting the chants. Embracing the wave and now sentencing his head coach to hard labor. Bully to you Big Kim!! Get this man an exclusive SportsBrah T-Shit! Thats the type of fan-ship we applaud here at The SportsBrahs.


If I had that much authority, Id be in the Mets clubhouse every night blowing a gasket over some of the bone headed shit Jerry Manuel has done this season. 6 hours of verbal bashing and being sentenced to hard labor would be just what the doctor ordered for Jerry. Cleaning out the porto-potties outside the left field entrance would be first on the list. If you're gonna make the fans feel like shit, well then your gonna work with the excrement you unsettled in these fans bodies.


But in all honesty, we're better off that North Korea did nothing in the world cup (like they had a chance anyway). Reports surfaced prior to the tournament that if North Korea did win the cup of life they would celebrate by ending lives. Big Kim is always looking for a reason to flex his nuclear muscle and no doubt warheads would have been lighting up like candles on a birthday cake once the championship went final. I guess you could call that a celebration but, I'd settle with a parade down the canyon of heros. 

Rock Out Big Kim! Its Game Day!

-Suessmandzadeh