Saturday Morning Wood: Erin Andrews Dominates TMZ Herb

TMZ - Erin Andrews is an absolute foxy mama. A lady with soft features that can talk sports, somebody grab Dbl-A's paper towel collection that resides underneath his computer desk. She is use to guys seeing her in public and automatically approaching her to profess their love and affection for her talents and skills. These guys can barely hold their erections inside their pants and so they say the most retarded shit and ask the most pointless questions I've ever heard and honestly I don't blame them. Take the goon who recorded this video for example. Here's my advice incase you have a run in and get a shot at asking her out.

Exhibit A: "Every man dreams of a woman who can talk about sports, its the ultimate thing a guy looks for"
- No shit. You think Ms. Andrews hasn't heard that pickup line before? She knows she can talk sports, SHE WORKS FOR FUCKING ESPN. You gotta be shitting me bro. You gotta try something original if you really want to get her attention. Once that statement left this goon's mouth he had lost his shot at the belt. He was better off pulling a Rey Maualuga and snagging a grind session without her even knowing. Its as close as your gonna get to "tapping the source" bro. Besides, she knows everyone has seen her giblets. You're gonna need to DO WORK BRO.

Exhibit B: "who would you pick with the first overall pick in fantasy football and would you accompany me to my fantasy football draft to act as my good luck charm?"
- Ok buddy why don't you just hand this broad a mason jar with your testicles inside. Not only did you just embarrass yourself by asking a woman for fantasy football advice but you have displayed to her that you have zero self confidence. On draft day a man has to be able to go into the war room and display confidence when building a squad. How can this woman take you seriously if you don't already have a game plan months in advance? I know I do, thats why I rack up the babes. When I'm at a party and tell chicks I have Drew Brees and Andre Johnson in a keeper league I'm basically getting panties thrown at my feet.
- My opinion, you should have asked her to accompany you as you spear hunt for Elk. Assassinating a dangerous animal with a spear is a lot more attractive than celebrating your picks with a, "Hey hunny, I got Matsui," just ask Jared Allen.

Happy Saturday Everybody!

-Suessmandzadeh