Dick's Picks: NFL Week 10

God damn it. I can't freaking catch a break here. I go into last weeks match up thinking, "Hell yea, this is my week to close the gap between me and Dbl-Penatrationm," and what happens? I fall further behind. Can't catch a freaking break. The show must go on however as I search for the elusive 5-0 week and the chance to gain some ground on Father Time (His Speed Ain't Mine).

Standings: Amato (27-17) Me (23-21) 4 games behind.

1. Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts - Pick: Colts
Dr. Manning has a lobotomy scheduled for Cincinnati fans because the way the Bengals have been playing, they must be loosing their minds. Why are the Bengals so fucking soft this year. I like Chad but he needs to realize that in a times of struggle you don't bitch and complain and become a side show on and off the field. Just keep your mouth shut and support your teammates and preach resiliency. We've seen teams make runs but you are not helping the situation bro.

2. Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Pick: Buccaneers
Raymond James is right down the street from the greatness that is Mons Venus so if I was in Tampa on Sunday I'd want a reason to go celebrate with bottomless strippers and big fake knockers. I'm depending on your Tampa. Don't let me down.

3. Tennessee Titans at Miami Dolphins - Pick: Titans
Randy Moss opens up the run game for CJ2K, so even if Moss doesn't have a game, Johnson will. Noodle arm Chad Pennington gets a tough assignment with his first NFL start since, once again, having shoulder surgery. Even without stability at quarterback the Titans are a better team on both sides of the ball.

4. St. Louis Rams (+6) at San Francisco 49ers - Upset Pick: Rams
Steve Spagnuolo (aka Stevie Spags in his days as Giants D coordinator) is doing a great job with the Rams. It helps that Sam Bradford knows a spread offense and is much more progressed than your typical rookie QB. It also helps when Stevie Spags is a defensive mastermind guru. Add the two together and you got yourself an upset in the making. Give me one more Stevie Spags, ONE MORE.

5. Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants - Pick: Giants
Not gonna lie, I treat every match up with the Cowboys as a new season, it doesn't matter who is having success previously and it doesn't matter who is stinking it up like a festering shit in a public bathroom toilet. Both teams go all in when they square off. Some may say the Cowboys have no reason to play, I disagree. They have every reason to try and crush the Giants dreams and even hurt Eli. Expect a good old fashion Giants vs Cowboys slobber-knocker. Get well soon Steve Smith

-R.C. Suessmandzadeh