Bradenton - MANATEE — A Bradenton man was arrested Friday morning, but he still thanked deputies for finding a bong during a vehicle search that he thought he’d lost seven years ago, according to a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report. Mark Fiasco and Matthew Hawley were pulled over at midnight for a license plate light being out. The report said the car had also been involved in a previous drug case in which an arrest was made.
I just had an epiphany. These guys smoke A LOT of weed. I know, I know. No need to thank me, just my superior deductive reasoning skills bro. How do you lose a $150 piece, in your own whip and have NO fucking clue about it for nearly a decade? You blaze some heady nuggets is how. I mean, whether you occasionally puff or not, any brohan knows that you don't just buy an expensive piece of glass just to have it disappear into thin air. You monitor that shit like an infant. When it's not being used, it's either in a case, or its on a flat even surface, never too high off the ground just in case it does fall. And when your grimey roommate with the nasty acne want's to use it for a quick sesh? No way bro. Hands off. Stay away from my bong with your nasty cold sores and shit. Not to mention you have hands like rocks. Dudes like that couldn't catch a pillow from 4 feet away, and one swift drop of your piece means $150 just shattered all over the floor.
In any event, you gotta respect this dude especially for thanking the coppers. Losing a bong like that is equivalent of letting your dream girl get away. Sure, you shared many precious moments together, but one day she just disappeared from your life. Your one true love got away from you. How do you move on, how do you fight your emotions and sad feelings of losing your best friend, your lover, and companion? Check your trunk you fucking stoner.
-Dbl-A
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