Don't Sit Here And Tell Me These Chicks Didn't Start This Fight

What you wanna do huh?

My Way News - ELMWOOD PLACE, Ohio (AP) - Police in southwest Ohio say a birthday bash for a 3-year-old girl turned into a beer-soaked brawl as guests threw broken bottles and punches and sent two men to the hospital. Elmwood Place police tell The Cincinnati Enquirer that 30 kids watched as dozens of adults fought in a party hall near Cincinnati at about 1 a.m. Tuesday.

Why in god's name is a birthday party for a bunch of fucking 3 year olds still going on at 1 am anyway? So the clowns and pony rides bounced at figure 9 Pm, does that mean the adults gotta break out the gin buckets and pong tables? I mean, jesus H christ it's a birthday party for toddlers. Did the booze fest have to happen? In any event, there's two things I'm more then certain of that happened here: 1.) The men at this party had a couple of drinks and the next thing you know every bro from the age of 30 to 55 had their beer muscles on in full force. Who knows what the fuck they were even drinking, but my best guess would be funnels of Keystone Ice. That shit will bring you back to your college years in a hot minute. After about 7 of those, besides not being able to decipher the blonde with double D's from the pimply faced red head with a FUPA and more rolls then a bakery, all you wanna do is stomp out some herbs like you're fucking DMX. One minute your singing happy birthday to a bunch of babies, and the next your about to crack some old college acquaintance in the face because you saw him trying to buy your wife a Bud Light Lime while you were making kids some balloon animals. Plus, drinking that soft beverage can get you bodied anyway.

2.) The second thing I couldn't be any more certain about is there is no way any of the chicks at this party tried to stop any escalation of a fight. NOT one. It's just some retarded ass shit that woman secretly get off to. Like, of course you might get the half ass "Oh Fred, don't do anything. Johnny is just really drunk and he didn't mean it. Plus he's way bigger then you anyway..." See how they slip in there the trigger that questions your man hood? Bigger then me? Let's see how big he is when he's eating floor and I'm smearing birthday cake on his wife's tits. BOOM. Chicks may think they are trying to resolve an impending brawl between dudes that are drunk, but in fact they are just hoping it turns for the worst. While your getting T-bagged by the same guy who's always yelling "Ass, fuck, bitch" at every soccer game, your wife is hosting a tour of Niagara Falls in her panties watching these pathetic goons who wish they were still in college. 

But one thing that will never change is the fact that us men are animals, who at anytime can let our survival instincts take over and cause a brawl at a 3 year old birthday party. Nothing wrong with that, shit happens right? Fuck yeah it does. Just don't say I didn't warn you about chicks being the cause of it all. I love them to death, but I mean they are about as good at diffusing a fight between guys as Plaxico Burress is with turning the safety switch on his gat. Real talk!

-Dbl-A