Yahoo! - LONDON (Reuters) – Cricket star Graeme Swann told a police officer who stopped him for drunk driving that he had had to go out to buy screwdrivers to rescue his trapped cat, a court heard Monday. The 31-year-old spinner had been out with friends when he returned to his Nottinghamshire home and discovered his pet trapped under the floorboards, he told police. He said he then got in his white Porsche Cayenne and was driving to a supermarket in the early hours of April 2 when he was pulled over.
Before I go on a rant about how Sports stars can make diddily poo excuses in order to get out of any type of trouble, I certainly do not support drunk driving in any way, shape, or form. But that does not include driving at high speeds, listening to the Backstreet Boys' album Black and Blue. After all, that shit is intoxicating in itself.
So I wouldn't exactly say I'm well versed in the sport of Cricket, but I will say it's a bit surprising that any kind of sports star in Europe doesn't always get the high life treatment. Aka, they can do whatever the fuck they want. I mean, forget Soccer, if your a high profile chess player in Europe they think you can walk on water, or piss out the cure for cancer at any given time. That's just how it is in Europe. Freakin' weirdos. No, but seriously, that's why I was stunned to see this dude Graeme Swann get busted for drunk driving after the po po didn't buy his story that he needed to go out and get screwdrivers to save his cat who was trapped under some floorboards. Granted, I know these guys can get away with 1st degree murder, but bro you couldn't come up with something better then that?
My guess is that because Mr. Swann had such a half-assed story for the cops, they just felt insulted by his complete lack of effort and preparation. Like, if your going to throw down a couple of Jameson shots before spinning around in your high performance Porsche you have to at least have some kind of story prepared right? Can't you imagine this brohan slurring out this story in an obviously inebriated state of mind? The coppers are probably saying "The fuck is this guy saying right now?" And for good measure. I mean, breaking the law is bad enough, but then you don't have some kind of excuse to cover your ass. What ever happened to drunk driving integrity? Gosh.
Sports star or not, I think its safe to say our Cricket playing broski just absolutely shit the bed on this one. You gotta give the police something better then a cat excuse. Perhaps if he said something like "Yo I'm late to a gangbang, 4 chicks are gonna gather around in a circle and let me bukkake all over their faces" well then maybe the cops would have at least respected that. Who wouldn't? So, Graeme, a little tid bit for ya, leave the cat excuse at home next time your out boozing and driving.
P.S. For those of you who don't know what bukkake is. Well, its basically when a girl is surrounded by a circle of dudes who's sole purpose is to blast a load on her face. Ask your mom about it.
-Dbl-A
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