Clemens Should Be Indicted For Being A Pervert First

Today Roger "Rocket" Clemens was officially indicted by a grand jury on the belief that he lied in front of Congress. I feel like we just took Doc Brown's DeLorean back to circa 2008 when that hack Clemens told everyone and their mothers that he never took steroids or HGH. At this point I could give a butt fucking monkeys ass about this whole situation. We already know the entire 1990's and early 2000's of baseball were completely contaminated with these bums taking performance enhancers. Its almost sad now, because the writing is on the wall for Clemens and it spells "fucked." The dude pitched until he was like 65, and was still throwing gas to the tune of mid 90's heat. Not to mention during the ages of 40-42, Clemens logged in 636 innings in three fucking years. Hello! Are we all fucking fools?

Fuck this whole perjury mumbo jumbo though. I mean, if were gonna travel back to what seems like forever ago to indict him on false statements under oath, why don't we just go back another 19 years and peg his perverted ass for banging a 15 year old Mindy McCready. Yeah, thats right I'm calling you out Rocket! Fuck lying to Congress in front of a bunch of uptight suits, this dude was a god damn pedder-ass. For those of you who haven't seen The Big Lebowski, he's a freakin' child toucher. To me, that's about as low as a human being can get. Let's just revisit this case and realize that when Clemens was 29, he was showing his "Mr. Splitty" to a chick who barely had "grass" on her ball field, but we all know how the rest of the mantra goes. I guess, Roger believes turning over and playing in the proverbial mud, if you catch my drift here. I just love how Clemens' attorney called his relationship with the then young McCready a "close family friendship." Oh yeah? You mean the kind of friendship where Clemens would show up for a BBQ at Mindy's house and fingerbang the shit out of her while the two families discussed baseball, white power, and inter-breading? The South is for the birds anyway, and unfortunately for Clemens, it doesn't look long before he finds himself in a federal penitentiary.

                           Don't get me wrong. Mindy could get it....now.

-Dbl-A