Bruce Vilanch Is Fat! I Hate Him!

I can't even begin to tell you how badly I wish this video was real. Bruce Vilanch is just a disgusting poor excuse for a human being. Like this video reminds me of Michael Moore in Team America. He's just so fat that when the suicide bomb he's wearing explodes, chunks of Ham fly everywhere. Basically the same thing would happen to Fat Vilanch. Just Cordon Bleu's and strips of bacon would be raining down like cats and dogs. And that gut that he rocks like a car tire? I knew a dude who sported one of those in high school. Let's just say he wasn't exactly rolling with the ladies (excuse the pun).

Now, for the more important matter. How embarrassed must his parents be by him? Bruce's Dad must sit in a dark room and question whether his sperm was cursed by an evil demon or something. Vilanch is basically a walking example of Darwin's theory of evolution. Totally unfit for surviving in society because, well, he's basically a fat Oompa Loompa on HGH. And his mother must hate her life too. Imagine giving birth to an individual who is despised by every person on the planet? As a mother you have to wonder where everything went wrong. Sure you can blame it on your husband who's sperm carries the DNA of one Bruce Vilanch, or you can just look down and realize he came out of YOUR vagina. Not the finest of realizations but time to look in the mirror hunny.

PS - Suess and I were enjoying South Park last night and when the reporter called Cartman Bruce Vilanch we almost lost our bowels on my basement floor. Needless to say I was dying to make fun of this pasty face fat porcupine since I woke up today.

-Dbl-A