The Daily Douche - Paul The Octopus

Yahoo! - BERLIN (Reuters) – Paul, the oracle octopus who shot to fame in the World Cup this summer for his uncanny ability to predict the results of Germany's soccer matches, has died at his home in Oberhausen at the age of two.

Aw poor Paul the Octopussy is dead. What the fuck are we gonna do now? The world must be ending. Those prehistoric Mayan bastards may be right about the world ending in 2012. Didn't they mention something like "The world will see a great creature predict Germany's 2010 World Cup results, and then the world will end two years later." Yeah, that's written down somewhere in the ancient book of the Mayans.

But I'll tell you what. Dead or not, Paul the Octopus is a douche and 1/2. And as you know, one of my newest duties to The SportsBrahs is to use my D-bag fly swatter to swat away all the flies, that is the douchiest douches of society today. Just because he's taking a dirt nap, or is on some bro's plate of sushi right now doesn't mean I'm not gonna rip him 8 new assholes for being a douche. One for each creepy tentacle or whatever his arms are called. So Paul, I'm calling you out. You're gimmick doesn't fool me bro. Fucking thing was making all these predictions to get famous in hopes to fuck some hot Octopussy. I get that. Like I see your attempt, but when you sell your soul to the damn Germans I lose all respect for you. Maybe if you predicted some HOT U.S. victories instead you would still be alive you weird douchey creature. Never do the fame thing for the pussy. Always do it for yourself first. Don't sell out for the fucking Germans and their shizer videos, have some god damn dignity bro. Well, well, its too late now. Instead of being Paul the "OctoPUSSY Crusher" you just became Willy the Squid who's 15 minutes of fame are up cause you're dead bro.

That's what happens when you trust the Germans Paul. Now somebody make use of this dead squid. Fry that bastard and get me some marinara dipping sauce stat. Paul the Octopus. More like Paul the Fried Calamari douche.

-Dbl-A