The Midday "Munch Box": Couldn't Catch Me Eating Bugs For Anything - Except Megan Fox

UPI  - NEW YORK, Sept. 14 (UPI) -- A New York restaurant said it is holding an event for people who want to enjoy a four-course meal consisting entirely of insects. The Brooklyn Kitchen said diners at the restaurant Saturday will be offered the chance to eat Mexican-style prepared caterpillars, mealworms and moth larvae for $85, the New York Daily News reported Tuesday.

There are literally only two circumstances on Earth that could get me to eat a insect or bug or some crazy nasty shit like that. One would be if I got stranded on a deserted island somewhere in the pacific. You know, like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. But, even when I consider that scenario, is it still worth it to chow down on a roach bigger then my entire head? Like, what the fuck would I be holding onto dear life for anyway? That shit in the movies is completely fake ass bro. When your like a gazaillion miles away from civilization, you got a better chance of growing another dick then being rescued. What, am I gonna stuff my fat face with mutated spiders just so that the frog people can burn me on a steak and share me like I'm the never ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden? When you're here, you're fucked - I mean, family.

The second, and only other time I would consume a nasty insect was if I was on that show Fear Factor. This is still an incredibly big stretch for your boy cause that show has kept me from eating for days with some of the nasty shit they make people eat. Here's the kicker though: I don't want money. I just want Megan Fox. That's right, I'm passing on the big bucks. Fuck 70 G's, I want to be butt naked with that hottie  for a week strait in Cabo. Secluded from the rest of the world in a shack made out of bamboo. Sipping Don P, and talking about how much of a D-bag director Michael Bay is. Might as well rename our little getaway Smoosh town USA. So yeah, I'll eat the damn roach to be able to snuggle Megan Fox's tushy for a solid week - as long as the bug has a strip of bacon on it. Cause everyone knows bacon could make a Mr. Hanky turd taste like a fucking lobster tail with it completely draped around a piece of shit.

-Dbl-A